Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I. Stand. In. Awe.

I was just looking back at the pictures that I have in facebook. And as I kept looking from one picture to another, my heart just stood amazed. So amazed at the hands of God, His faithfulness and His presence in my life. Beginning of last year 2009, I recalled God gave me an impression while praying. I saw a balloon that just kept expanding and expanding that it grew very very big; bigger than my whole self! And God gave me a forward 'notice' that He is going to expand me, stretched me. Throughout the year, He spoke to me reminding me to not fear, but step out and I will soar. I didn't realized He expanded me more than I knew of probably coz there's so many things that just kept happening, that I didn't had much time to reflect. All I know was there's something challenging as each month or even weeks passed by!

Worship leading for church's main service was probably one of the craziest thing I've ever said yes to last year. I cried for hours negotiating with God with every reasons like I can't sing so well etc. But in the end, I know God has a plan. A plan I do not know. I am fearful, I admit when it comes to worship leading. But through it all, as I've grown from strength to strength and from church service to service, I've seen how God used people who are available and willing to trust Him when He calls. God will never call us to do something which we cannot do.

Moving on, this year has been a very special year to me as God started putting a passion or desire to pray for Malaysia. It all happened one day when I asked God what He would like me to pray. And I started praying for Malaysia. Tears rolled down my eyes as I felt God's heart, and thus I know that the nation is where the heart of God lies. Not that God cares more about the nation more than us, but God has such great plans for every country, including Malaysia. I started attending Local Youth Prayer Gathering (LYPG) on Saturdays. *Please check out the LYPG video on the side of my blog! And come? =))*

Oh how I remember after a few times attending, I wanted to stop going. But the night before LYPG, God said He wanted me to go. And how much struggles I had in finding transportation. I often asked my mum but she's busy on Sat. My dad does not like to be involved in Christian activities as he's not a Christian. So, I went to sleep telling God, that it's not that I don't want to go now, but I've no transport. The next morning as soon as I just opened my eyes, God immediately spoke to me to go. I was confused and scared but all I know is when God says go, I really need to go, no matter what. He'll surely provide the way. True enough, Holy Spirit asked me to ask my dad and surprisingly my dad agreed to take me. The following week, the same scenario of God asking me to attend on Friday night, but mum said no coz she needs to do marketing, the next morning God spoke to go again. And on that day, my dad will be passing by Kelana Jaya around that hour to go to Sri Damansara (if I'm right). So from that onwards, I knew God wanted me to join LYPG. Not only that, God provided a way for me to go- dad (most of the time) or mum(depending). No matter what I'll be there. And it was a start to a journey of searching my heart's motive, catching and feeling God's heartbeat, feeling God's heartpain, listening for His voice and direction, conviction of our sins and loving God more and more. It has certainly been one of the major highlights in my life. Attended MYPG 3 @ Alor Setar, hearing God speak to me again through Richard Rajoo, Yoshua etc. Not forgetting ThePlan09! Can't wait to see a lasting youth missions movement taking place in Malaysia, seeing youths catching the fire to be God's armies. A year God arranged for me to cross-pathed with passionate Christian youths especially. Exciting, exciting! With a vision that is so great.

Studies wise, all I can say is praise God! A GPA of 3.5 and above for all my 3 semesters in this 2009 is definitely God's favor, mercy and faithfulness. Oh how many times I thought I wouldn't have made it. 2010 results?? Gotta put in more effort though and God will see me through again, confidently.

Serving God in youth, church and CF has been increasing more and more. CF Camp, SEGi Revolution P.A.R.T.Y and WiFi youth camp, worship teams etc... Not forgetting the opportunity to be part of the worship team for Global Day Of Prayer 2009 again and ThePlan09. God has always believed in me, even when I doubt myself. He's a cool, super cool God! <33

Relationships.. I think I hardly touch on this in my blog. lol.. Well, I'm glad I wasn't into any relationship this year, otherwise I would have missed out on the many great things He has for me this year. Am still waiting (for "David- a man after God's own heart").. with a deep confidence that God has the best for me. =) And my focus should (will) always be serving God first. My verse(I mean God's verse): Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all other things shall be added unto you. Help me to wait patiently for the awesomest guy You have for me, Father God. Amen! =))

All in all, I'm humbled. So humbled that God would want to use an ordinary girl who doesn't have much to offer in terms of talent, resources like me. But I began to learnt that God is not scouting for talents and all, He's looking for an individual that is always available for God to use any time, any moment. God really does look at our heart, more than any other!

Will 2010 be another busy year for me? What has God put in my heart for this 2010? 2010 will be 3Bs- Better, Bigger, and Brighter. I pondered and questioned, was 2009 not so bright for me, that 2010 will be brighter? lol.. As I think back, yeah, that there were times when things or incidents that happened that weren't so bright. But whatever it is, I believe that God has a purpose for everything that happens in and throughout my life.

This year's theme for my life is to be a light and perfume for Him, carrying His presence wherever I go, that I might bring others to know Him. (which I realized was aligned to my church theme this year: The Church in Many Places; not jsut in church but wherever we are. We are the Church itself!) And a few watchouts- not to let $$ to cause me from slowing down in serving God. sigh.. And to remember God does not just look at my 'righteousness'.

Much ahead for 2010! God bless each of you who reads my posts! Cheers!

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